I was taking a shower this afternoon when I was hit by the realization that my life doesn't suck. I know sometimes i state otherwise, but in fact, my life does not suck. The fact alone that i was able to take a mid-afternoon shower, without anyone banging on the door, is my first piece of evidence. Once I got out of the shower, i really started contemplating all of the things that I regularly bitch about. Here is my average, everyday, bitch-fest............
1. My house. I hate it. It's too small, we pay rent to live in this crapper, when we own a perfectly designed-by-me-and-hubz-to-fit-all-our-kids-and-stuff-house. the problem is that said house had a fire and we have not had the time or money to complete the renovation. that being said, I complain about it alot. I fantisize that if we lived there, the kids wouldn't fight as much, we wouldn't have such a cluttered mess on our hands, we would have more room to have friends over..............the list is neverending about how glorious our life would be if we could just get into that house! The thing is, I guess I could go to work full-time to make more money, and I guess hubz could close his business and get a mon-fri job. Then, I wouldn't be there for all of those milestones, the sweet morning snuggles or the family days that we share so often. If hubz was a 9-5er,I would have to do everything myself. He wouldn't be there to help get the kids off to school, be home in time to help me make dinner, or help on days when one of me is just not enough.
2. Money. This ties into the above point. I guess I am sacrificing money to be a mother. I can live with that, considering peanut will be in kindergarden in 4 years and I can work every day then. Plus, I do have alot of expenses that could be avoided if I choose to avoid them. For example, we have a birthday every other month. No joke. That means a cake with the family and a party with friends, not to mention treats sent into school. Then holidays X 5 kids + soccer, basketball, preschool, theatre, baseball, hockey..............well you get the point. I could skip any one of these things if i needed to, but I choose not to.
3. My kids fight. ALOT. I blame the lack of space and being outnumbered for my kids fightning. Considering that both of these items are true, I guess it could be much worse. They don't get physical very often and usually, the fighting is limited to teasing and annoying each other. Again, I can live with that, considering my kids do love and play with each oter more often than not.
As I type, I'm running out of things to complain about. Im realizing that I am not really in a bad position at all. I am actually in complete control of my life and I am in the position that I am in because I choose to be in it. I actually enjoy sitting at the computer in the afternoon while the hubz takes peanut to the bank and post office. I love that we will pick up the kids from school and have a relaxing afternoon together. The kids WILL fight and come in the house like a bunch of wild animals, but at least i will be here to witness it.
Like you, I find it very helpful to focus on what I have to be thankful for. And I always try to remember that someone out there has it a lot worse. That being said, we all have "dark" moments when we need to feel sorry for ourselves. :)
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