Friday, February 18, 2011
hoarding my own milk!
I am facing a major problem in my life right now. My youngest baby is 16 months old and I am no longer the center of her ever expanding universe. She climbs and speaks and plays....all without any assistance from her mama. When this realization has hit me in the past, I would think long and hard about it and then tell the hubz its time for another.
This time is different. I don't think I will have that discussion, I don't think I can. As parents, we are maxed out in all areas that matter. We can't afford more babies, but then again we can't afford the ones we already have! That is not what I consider something that matters. We are strapped for time. Time with the kids as a group, as individuals, and time for hubz and I as a couple. I never want my kids to feel overlooked and we manage just fine now, but barely. There is basketball, hockey, Spanish, theater, baseball, soccer, and friends to top it all off.
Herein lies my problem. I have never had to let go of my baby years. Today I went to work and left peanut home with hubz and she didn't drink one drop of my stored milk. She ate and drank people food and I still went out and pumped in my car.....wth? I don't have to worry about my supply because peanut only nurses a few time a day and at night. She eats a well balanced diet now and can have cow milk if she wants. Still, I pump....I have a terrible fear that someday, someone may need some breastmilk and I will be like 'right here, I have some right over here'! I think it all stems from the fact that when I'm done nursing and pumping, that will be it! No more babies in my house :-( I'm not sure I can handle that, so for now, I pump!