Friday, February 18, 2011

hoarding my own milk!

I am facing a major problem in my life right now. My youngest baby is 16 months old and I am no longer the center of her ever expanding universe. She climbs and speaks and plays....all without any assistance from her mama. When this realization has hit me in the past, I would think long and hard about it and then tell the hubz its time for another.
This time is different. I don't think I will have that discussion, I don't think I can. As parents, we are maxed out in all areas that matter. We can't afford more babies, but then again we can't afford the ones we already have! That is not what I consider something that matters. We are strapped for time. Time with the kids as a group, as individuals, and time for hubz and I as a couple. I never want my kids to feel overlooked and we manage just fine now, but barely. There is basketball, hockey, Spanish, theater, baseball, soccer, and friends to top it all off.
Herein lies my problem. I have never had to let go of my baby years. Today I went to work and left peanut home with hubz and she didn't drink one drop of my stored milk. She ate and drank people food and I still went out and pumped in my car.....wth? I don't have to worry about my supply because peanut only nurses a few time a day and at night. She eats a well balanced diet now and can have cow milk if she wants. Still, I pump....I have a terrible fear that someday, someone may need some breastmilk and I will be like 'right here, I have some right over here'! I think it all stems from the fact that when I'm done nursing and pumping, that will be it! No more babies in my house :-( I'm not sure I can handle that, so for now, I pump!


  1. I'm sure some mama will be very grateful for your pumped milk someday! Good for you mama - you could be saving some future baby's life :)

    (And I know what you mean about not being the center of their universe. It's bittersweet!)

  2. I've been having the same fear about drying up. My daughters 18 months and sleeps thru the night more and more, i wake up thinking what if I dry up! I don't own a pump but I got up last night and expressed milk into the sink just to make sure my body knew I needed to make more. I don't want to stop lactating it's weird but it's who I've been for a year and half and I don't want it to end anytime soon.

  3. I had the same fear but it was more related to my ability to take care of and nourish my baby if there were an emergency. I have this weird (and slight) fear that something will happen and I won't be able to provide for my children. But I could certainly provide breastmilk if I kept it going. I think it stems from raising a special needs child and realizing that if we didn't have electricity (like people in Iraq) or health care coverage (like many people in this country), etc, he might not have survived. These fears are only exacerbated when I read books like "The Road" or "The Room".

    It's nice to know you can provide for your baby most of what they need to survive.